she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
