I can tuck mytits in my pants
My hand turned me down
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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