wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
