Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
