You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
