Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
