dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
