I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize