Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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