We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
