You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
