Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
