either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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