i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
