What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
pray to the hookup gods
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
