are you so shy because you have an std?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
