i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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