the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
