You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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