Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
