I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
