my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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