sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
