i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
