If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize