Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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