Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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