Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
