There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
