I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
