I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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