there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's a Shit stain on my heart
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
