I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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