I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
