Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
