and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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