How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We got so high we made milksteak
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
