this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
