Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
