The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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