Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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