take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
