I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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