I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
