If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
