Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
