it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
