Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
