I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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