she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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