Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
