I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
