So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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