im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
