I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
