Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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