Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
