Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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