awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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