I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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