Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
