apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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