You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
