this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
