You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
