Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
