No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
