You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
