i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
