My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
