i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
