ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
