dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
