how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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